I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
