I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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