idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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