You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
