Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
that's an acceptable place to lick
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
