what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
God I need to hump something, right now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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