so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
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