sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
