new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
that's an acceptable place to lick
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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