I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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