.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
