Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
