Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
