Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
