He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
