oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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