pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
