I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
