I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
there's paper in my vomit.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You pole danced in your parka.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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