she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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