so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
