I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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