allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
