apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
