just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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