you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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