You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Drunk is not a location!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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