we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ladies don't puke and tell
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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