somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
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he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
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Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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