I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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