Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
