Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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