You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
