Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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