sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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