I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
