therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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