all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
