dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
