oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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