you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Sober January is a disaster.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
