Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
