If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think my moral compass just broke
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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