how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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