your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
