I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
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I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
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That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize