She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
why do cheetos always look like penises
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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