I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
