Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
