I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
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i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
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Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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