the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
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He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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