I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
