Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize