dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
