am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
