If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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