you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
