im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize