Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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