theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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