That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
