Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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