You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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