Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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