it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
