I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
